Missing.

I’m cleaning my room and made the mistake of going through pictures from Clark’s birth.

I miss him so much.  Sometimes I still wish it could have all happened just a little differently—like Abraham.  You see, Abraham didn’t have to actually sacrifice his son.  I was a little bit delirious in the hospital from a lack of sleep, but I really thought there was a chance that I would only have to go as far as Abraham did and then an angel would stop me from actually going through with it.  I was waiting for the last minute phone call informing me of the “tragic” death of the one person that made it impossible for me to keep Clark.  It never came. 

I have no regrets about placing him for adoption, but it sure doesn’t help when I see that little face and remember his little body in my arms.  I miss being his mom.  I would give almost anything to replay those 2 days again….with a different ending.  An ending that involves a fatal car crash.

Let’s really hope he hasn’t found this blog again…