Dr. Claw

Have you ever been driving down the road and had someone cut you off and wish so bad that you could just let them know how you felt about it?

It's pretty frustrating, huh?

That's how I feel right now about my job. I bid for my August schedule, hoping I would work lot's of hours in not very many days, have all of my days off, with mostly Portland overnights. I knew those were lofty dreams and that I wouldn't get everything I wanted--but I thought at least I would get my days off. Now, I may not be an amazing bidder, but until now I have never been awarded a bid so opposite of what I actually bid for. I didn't get any of the days off I needed. I'm working during a very important adoption conference that I was helping plan. I'm working during Yosemite. I'm working during a family graduation. And the worst one-- I'm working during Clark's sealing.

To make matters worse, we can usually trade and drop trips when we don't get exactly what we want. But, because we have so few reserves to cover trips, I am unable to switch my trips even a tiny bit. I've tried. I've offered to work a 3-day trip in order to get rid of a 2-day trip. Now you might wonder why they wouldn't take me up on that. I do too. It only makes sense that if I am willing to work an extra day for the company that they might try to figure out how to cover my smaller trip. Unfortunately, it is all done through the computer. Do you remember Dr. Claw from the cartoon version of Inspector Gadget? He is the main villain in the cartoon, where he sits at a computer terminal, scheming ways to ruin Inspector Gadget. He speaks in a deep ominous-sounding voice. You never see Dr. Claw's face. You only see his arms and his gloved hands.

Dr. Claw represents my scheduling people. To me they are a computerized hand scheming to make my life miserable. And so I can't even direct my anger at someone. I really want to. I really want to swear at a human being. I want to curse the human in charge of ruining August.

Come what may and love it....how?

I know that I've done worse so this should be easy.

But the only thing I can come up with is that I have a job. I'm blessed to have a job.

Any other ideas?

4th of July.

I’m a little behind on posting…my internet on my laptop has not been functioning very well. 

I spent the 4th in Portland with Brian.  While Brian and his brothers and dad were at the house working for several hours, his sister-in-law, Heather and I ran to the grocery store for a few things and then had several hours to chat.   

In the evening we had a nice barbeque with friends and family.  After dinner, Brian and I went golfing with friends, played Rock Band, and then watched fireworks from the Robert’s backyard.  They were beautiful! 

You can’t tell in this picture, but there are fireworks all across the sky behind us.  What a great day!

Alan & Linda Roberts, me & Brian, Chris Harris, Derin & Heather Harris, Chris Roberts, Laurin.

29 Blissful Seconds

6 Months!

I love this picture of me and Clark.  I’m telling him something important.  Maybe I’m telling him how much I love him and how hard it is going to be to let him go.  Maybe I’m telling to be good, kind, and obedient.  I might be telling him to serve a mission and get married in the temple.  There were so many things I told him during those two days.     

I wish I could hold him right now.  This is what I would tell him today:

Clark,

I know you don’t remember me, but six months ago I gave birth to you—you were perfect!  Some day I’ll remind you of those two heaven-like days we had together.  I think you knew me well.  You knew my voice.  I held you so close.  I hated to let you go, even just  for a moment when we were in the hospital.  Then I let you go forever—so that you could be happy.  I never thought I’d stop crying when you were gone.  But, I don’t cry every day anymore—just some nights when I’m all alone and my ache for you can’t seem to calm.  I still miss you like crazy.  I still think of you constantly.  And, of course, I love you!  I’m grateful for the miracle of your existence.  I love your parents and am grateful for the happy home they have given you.  I love you, Clark!

Love, 

Lucy

He is so cute, so big and so happy! 

It’s hard to believe that he’s lived for a half of a year.  Looking back through our hospital pictures, and remembering the pain, I’m kind of surprised I’ve made it half of a year.  But I have.  I only have through the Atonement.  Christ has eased the ache and given me strength, blessings, and happiness!