Happy Birthday Matthias!

It’s okay to turn 30 when you have a spouse, a house, a great job, a car, a van, and almost 2 kids!  Being in the life-appropriate stage of life on your birthday makes them that much more joyous! 

Matthias has always proceeded nicely along through life-appropriate stages and their corresponding ages.  He’s my one sibling who has seemed to just do everything right.  He’s an example to me.  He’s good.  He serves.  He’s works hard.   He loved God.  He loves his wife.  He loves his boy…and his boy to come!

You give me hope.  Thank you.  I love you, Matthias! 

    

Why I Love Oregon (Part II)

I spent part of my weekend in the Portland area.  I saw this:

Columbia River Gorge—unbelievably beautiful!

It was a perfect day with perfect company!  Very warm, blue skies, and of course lot’s of green, green, green!  Our lovely drive through the National Scenic Area was literally like driving through a rainforest, with some of the most beautiful waterfalls I’ve ever seen.  I could be very happy living in a place like Portland!   

Postcards.

Each Monday I feel like a giddy schoolgirl waiting for the mail to come.  I know there will always be one, sometimes two postcards from my dad.  Since we were young children, my dad has given us postcards.  He has a massive collection of them…more than he can actually ever send to anyone in a lifetime.  But he loves them.  And I love getting them!

When we were little we would play the Postcard Game.  He would pick a postcard for each of us, write on the back of it, and then turn them all face-up, so we couldn’t see who’s were who’s.  Then, starting from the youngest child, moving up to the oldest child, we would take turns guessing which postcard we thought (or hoped) belonged to us and the others in the family.  It’s one of my fondest memories from childhood.  My dad revives this tradition every General Conference and at family vacations—and we still love it!  And though I’d like to think we’re getting better at it, sometimes we still just want to vote for the one we like best!  (in my case, all things pink and girly).

When I was a little girl, I sometimes knew which one would be mine because of patterns I would get used to.  If there were animals, mine would be the cute one.  If they were movie/cartoon characters, I would usually get the girl.  He went through a phase of giving me sea lion postcards—I loved that phase!  I also always got Mona Lisa/spinoffs, and American Gothic/spinoffs postcards. 

On Saturday mornings, when we were trying to keep our mom asleep (it was a game to try to keep her asleep as long as possible on Saturday mornings), David and I would spread out all of our postcards on the living room floor in patterns, grouping them together, and adoring our favorites.

Now one of my favorite thing about getting postcards is the little red heart that he draws on the back of each of mine.  He loves me!   I love you, Papa!

Clark is 5 months!

Happy Birthday to my little man! 

 One of my very favorite pictures of Clark!  I love that he’s holding his parents hands and I love the little serious look on his face!  He’s perfect!!!

Clark has discovered his toes!  He jumps up and down in his jungle-gym, he loves the water and kicked in it during vacation with his family, and he was 17 pounds (92%)  at his 4 month checkup.  He is still very tall!  And, as you can see from the picture, is still very cute!

A little heaven on my front porch.

I’m experiencing a little bit of heaven on the Grandma House front porch tonight. I brought out one of my vintage yellow armchairs that I bought from a delightful old lady at a garage sale several weeks ago. They are the most comfortable arm chairs I’ve ever sat in. I have two, so if you’d ever like to come sit in the other one on my front porch, we could enjoy another experience like this…together! Please come visit!

It’s a perfect night. It’s breezy, perfectly cool, I’m surrounded by green, and Brad Paisley is singing Then to me for the 5th time tonight (through YouTube). And I am grateful.

I am content—and not just because I’m sitting on the Grandma House porch in my yellow arm chair. I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. And if God decides to change something, I feel like I am in a place where I can take that on with courage. Bring it!

Courage.

When I tell people I placed my baby for adoption, so often I hear things like “Wow.  You’re so brave.”  or “I don’t know how you did it.  I could never have done that.”

It hit me the other day that people use the word brave not for people whose circumstances they admire but for the people who have experienced misfortune beyond their control.  Brave seems to be code for “Thank goodness I’m not in your situation.”

“I could never have done that,” code for “You must not love him like I love my children…because I could never give my child away.” 

To those people I just want to say that I made the best decision  for my baby.  Brave?  Unbelievably brave.  Hard?  The most difficult thing I’ve ever done. 

Why I love Oregon. (Part I)

Anyone who knows me much at all knows I love Oregon.  I always have.  Oregon combines all good things into one—rainstorms, perfectly deep gray skies silhouetted by green trees, crashing waves against the rocky coast, and romantic cold beaches. 

Eugene, OR is my favorite layover.  The hotel is slightly creepy.  It’s the kind of place that ghosts likely visit.  The jagged black chandeliers look like objects people might have once been hung from.  That being said, I still love this hotel.  I love it because of of the bike path that runs along the Willamette River, adjacent to the hotel.  I love this river.  I love the miles I have spent running along side it.  I love the ducks, the rain, the bridges that cross it, and the rainbows I have seen after the rain. 

On one particular cloudy day, as I ran, I was stopped by the sun peering through the clouds.  I wouldn’t have been surprised to see an angel, or maybe more.  My IPod was playing This Is the Christ (sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir), and at that moment I was reminded that Christ lives.  Now when I go back I remember that feeling.  He lives!

That’s just one reason that I love Oregon. 

Exclamation points!!!

Annie—note the colors we are each wearing.  Fitting?

When I use exclamation points I think of my sister!  She uses punctuation liberally—especially exclamation points!  They are very fitting for her exciting personality.   

Annie is on a BYU study abroad in Jerusalem right now.  I miss her.  She has been in Egypt all week and hasn’t been able to talk or email.  I have been waiting all week to tell her something.  Finally I was able to talk to her today! (a deserved exclamation point…though Annie would have used 3!) 

Come home, Annie! 

Consider the Lilies

On my drive home from church today, I listened to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing “Consider the Lilies.” 

I think of Heather (Clark’s mom) when I hear this song.  It’s her favorite song.  The day before I placed Clark into her arms, I sobbed all day, not knowing how I could let go of him.  I told my caseworker that I couldn’t do it, and she had to tell Ben and Heather.  The next morning, and the day that I placed Clark, Ben and Heather went to the Music and the Spoken Word and listened to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing these words:

Consider the lilies of the field--how they grow, how they grow.
Consider the birds of the sky--how they fly, how they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the birds in the sky
and He will feed those who trust Him and Guide them with His eye.
Consider the sheep of his fold--how they follow where he leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the birds in the sky
and He will feed those who trust Him and Guide them with His eye.
Consider the sweet tender children who must suffer on this earth.
The pains of all of them he carried from the day of his birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the lambs of his fold
and He will heal those who trust Him and make their hearts as gold.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the lambs of his fold
and He will heal those who trust Him and make their hearts as gold.

I’m grateful that Heavenly Father comforted Ben and Heather.  I’m grateful that He has carried me and has healed me.  The Atonement covers so much more than sin.  Because of the healing power of the Atonement, I am happy.  So, so happy!  I am grateful.  I trust Him completely.  If He clothes the lilies and feeds His lambs, I know He will also continue to bless me. 

Lately I have been amazed at how He has decided to bless me.  I have asked for the minimum and He has given me much, much more.  He has given me things I didn’t know I needed, but now I can’t live without. 

Hotels and beds.

When I first became a flight attendant (2.5 years ago…can you believe that?), I was an absolute sucker for hotel rooms.  It was all so new to me, and I really fell for it all.  It’s because of people like me that they can get away with paying us the meager wage that they do!  My aunt used to laugh at me and she would tell people that my favorite thing about hotel rooms was having a big comfortable bed and a remote control…embarrassing…but maybe a little true?

I no longer care about the remote control.  In fact, I have not turned on a TV yet this year, and I love it!

A comfortable bed with plush pillows is still appreciated.  Free internet, an in-room microwave and a refrigerator are also nice.  Free breakfast is a great bonus.  (Hampton Inns happen to meet all of my needs best, in case you’re also looking for a nice over-night stay). 

However, none of these things are as wonderful as the people I’d rather be with.  I miss my roommate and I miss my family and friends.  I miss FHE and ward temple night, and the connections I would rather be making with people.  I finally feel like I’m reaching a point in my life where I’m ready to wind down and move on. 

Last night I had an layover in Oakland.  My mom picked me up so we could spend 24 hours together.  If I could spend every layover with my parents I would be a happy girl!  I enjoy being with my parents more than most anyone else.  They are truly delightful, interesting, and loving parents and friends.  I am lucky to be their daughter!  And sleeping in my bed at home is far more comfortable than any hotel bed! 

In my world…

One of my aunts has said several times that in her world there will be no socks.  (She hates finding them, washing them, and especially putting them back together in pairs)  I’m okay with socks.  In my world we can have them. 

But in my world we won’t have to do our hair.  It’s way too much work.  Which is why I only wash it once or twice a week.  It’s the blow drying part that I so dislike.  But, just because we don’t have to do our hair doesn’t mean it won’t be pretty.  It will be…in my world. 

What about you?  What won’t be happening in your world?

Happy Birthday David!

 

My little brother, David, turned 26 on Wednesday and he deserves to be recognized!

The day before his birthday this year I was lucky enough to be able to spend some time with him.  I always love spending time with David.  He gives me hugs and tells me he loves me.  He validates my life and my experience.  He gets mad at the people who have hurt me.  He believes me.  And I believe in him.  I love every piece of him. 

He is passionate about his things.  Movies!  I’ve never met a human who has seen more movies or appreciates movies more than David does.  Politics!  We don’t see eye to eye on every issue, but I love that his politics are based on a genuine love for people and society.  He’s a lover and a giver.  Tennis!  This one is new to him, but he has fully embraced tennis.  He plays it and watches it like a true fan should.  Fashion!  He’s a way better dresser than I am.  He always looks good, and even has fun hair styles to top off every great BR outfit.    

We don’t remember ever fighting…just two years apart and never a fight?   It’s all because of him.  He is a true peacemaker.  I forced him to play games with me, and he happily played.  We used to sketch animals together on lazy Sunday afternoons.  He even let me read Sweet Valley Twins to him (he was 8—and I may have been taking advantage of his good nature…).

Thanks for being my friend then, and now!  I love you, David!   

Clark’s Mom.

Usually God picks moms.  But in Clark’s case, with God’s help, I picked his mom. 

I looked through hundreds and hundreds of moms before I found her.  She is beautiful.  Perfectly beautiful.  She’s talented.  She teaches piano.  She does crafts.  She sings and directs choir.  She cooks and bakes and cans jars and jars of applesauce.  She makes 20 freezer meals at a times and she knits little hats.  She also loves.  She loves her husband.  She loves her boys.  She’s kind to them.  She’s close to the Spirit.  And she knew that she should write to me, even though I didn’t know I wanted her to write to me.  She goes to the temple with her husband.  She has a sense of humor.  She laughs when things are hard, when things go crazy at her house, when all of her boys are crying at once, and Ben’s not home to help her.  I was so excited when I finally found her.  I loved her instantly when I met her.

Thank you for being my baby’s mom! 

Thanks for being my friend!

I love you, Heather!

  

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Mom.

“Not all angels are from the other side of the veil.

Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day…

some of them gave birth to us.

Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”—Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

That's my mom! I love her!

This is what I wrote about my mom right after I placed little Clark:

“Mom was with me the entire time. She slept on a cot in my room. I have never felt closer to her. We experienced so much love and pain together. She not only had to deal with the loss of her grandson…but also the pain that her daughter was experiencing. Many times she came into my bed with me as I wept, and she cried with me.”

Thank you for being my angel when I needed you most! I will never forget that wonderful night with you!

I love you!

Running in Spring.

Running in Spring is not a chore.  It is only beautiful! 

Running in Spring is deceptive.  It makes me think I might like running. 

Tonight I loved my run.  It was still light outside, but thinking about getting dark.  The air was crisp, but not cold.  The yards were beautiful.  Freshly mowed, with tulips everywhere.  I’m pretty sure God created tulips just for me, so I’d know how much He loves me. 

Birth mother rose.

Tonight I went to a birth mothers celebration. 

I love other birth mothers.

They are brave.  They humble me.  They remind me. 

We were given thoughtful gifts.  This rose was my favorite. 

Isn’t it lovely? 

And it’s pink!

Happy 4 Months to Clark!

Clark is 4 months old in 15 minutes.  Maybe by the time I post this, it will be 2:03…the time he was born.  The time my life changed forever.  Here are some of my thoughts from that moment:

“…the second he came out and was placed on my tummy, I knew I could never let him go.  I love him more than I have ever loved anyone or anything… Holding Clark changed me.  I will never be the same.  I am a mother.  I have never loved as much.  I cried the moment his little wet body was placed on my tummy in my arms.  How has anyone placed their baby for adoption after holding him?  I still don’t know.”

And I still don’t know.  But, I’m grateful I was given the power to do it.  A power way beyond me, and the knowledge that it was the best thing for Clark, helped me sign those papers. 

I love you, Clark!  Happy, happy 4 months!  You are a blessed little baby.  You have the best parents!  I love you!

Just moments before I handed him to Ben and Heather.

Full-time!

All it took was a birthday wish to make this come true!  Thank you, Becca!  Starting June I will be full-time again.  It only took a year!

More Sisters.

Friday during Sisters, we went into D.C. again.

 

We started by going to Arlington Cemetery. 

Absolutely humbling.  Cemeteries always remind me that I have no control.  We went to the tomb of the Unknown Soldier.  How grateful I am for those who serve our country and the families who have sacrificed their sons or daughters for our country.  So grateful!  We watched the changing of the guard.  It was wonderful to see so much respect from the crowd that gathered.

You can’t see the writing on the tomb, but it says, "Here Rests In Honored Glory An American Soldier Known But To God"….does anything else really matter?

We went to the Lincoln memorial.  I recently watched a TV special/series about Lincoln and Mary Todd called A House Divided—it was so informative, and increased my appreciation for him and all he did for freedom.  Seeing Lincoln larger than life, was amazing!

 

We went to the Vietnam Memorial.  Humbling.  A stark reminder of lives lost.

We went to the World War II monument quickly….we were getting tired by this point, and Annie and I were walking without shoes due to blisters.

On the way home, we tried to get into Fort Belvoir—the base that my Mom was born on.  It took several entrances to finally get in, but it was well worth it to be able to see the hospital that my mom was born in.  Boy, am I glad she was born!  Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful at finding postcards.  We really, really tried!  (sorry Papa!…like he even reads this! ha!)

This hospital was built the year she was born (1954)…just in time for her!

Magnets.

When we weren’t exploring D.C., we spent our time at Rebecca’s working mostly on a fun magnet project.  Magnetic things turned out to be our theme this year: Emily gave us magnets, Rebecca and Mom both brought magnetic measuring spoons, and then this project… 

We made decorative magnets by gluing artful/clever/funny/ meaningful magazine cutouts inside bottle caps.  It was Mom’s idea, and she came well prepared with dozens of caps that she had collected from local bars in Fairfield!  No lie!  Please, just imagine that for a moment…!!

Here is a snapshot of some of them:

 

Mine are kind of obvious: cheerios (anyone who knew me when I was pregnant knows how much I liked those…and still do, amazingly enough!), Silk Soymilk (yum!), crossword puzzle, Travel, “Love’s in Bloom” (haha! just kidding!  that is so not mine! that is Annie’s…for obvious reasons!)

These are just a handful of the ones that were made. 

It was absolutely fun!  I would never have thought it could be so much fun.  It was the perfect thing to be doing while we just talked…and we talked a lot!

Side note:  Lest you think I am “crafty”… I kind of mostly dislike crafts.  I don’t cross-stitch or use puffy paint, and I have a pretty passionate distaste for all things tole-painted.  Somehow I’m convinced these are different? 

Birthday wishes.

Thursday night I blew out candles over my favorite cake (gingerbread!) to celebrate my birthday earlier this month.  Yay for birthdays all month long!

My birthday wishers were heartfelt and I will be thrilled if they come true!

Emily wished me a year brimming with fun, fun moments to layer over the sad moments I’ve had.  Her addendum wish was that I would have my dream job as a social worker.  And I think she also mentioned that I should stay in the Grandma House with her.  So many hopeful wishes!

Annie wished that I would find my husband this year.  (oh my! a baby and a husband in one year?! Ambitious!)

Becca wished that I will get to go full-time at work very soon.  Bless her!

Mom hopes that I have had enough hard moments for a while, and that I will feel so confident in myself that the good will only shine through.

Such love!

Here’s me blowing to all of my birthday wishes!  It’s going to be a good one!

Sisters.

Thursday we spent a good portion of our day in Washington D.C.  

We spent 3 hours in the Holocaust museum.  I had been before, but loved being able to re-read and re-view things again.  This museum deserves a blog post of it’s own!  It will come soon.

We then had a tasty lunch on some benches on the mall.  It was lovely!  We enjoy being together so much! 

Annie, Me, Emily

 Annie, Mom, Me, Rebecca

All 5 of the ladies.

 

Appreciating our prenatal guest.  Becca is stunning!

Roommates!

 

Sisters!

And his bananas.

On the way home from the airport this morning, I went to The WalMart on 1300 East.  I’m always slightly skittish from the moment I step out of my car at this WalMart.  It’s a scary place.  Even scarier than the West Valley one—which I frequented during a brief 4 months of my recent past—and would think would be the scariest one in Utah.  But, it’s not.  1300 East is. 

I’m in line to buy my 4 green things (celery, green onions, relish, and cilantro) when I saw Emily Madsen (from Fairfield).  The line was long, but I was happily distracted by Emily.  The man in front of me finally made it to the checkout, and the cashier rung up each of his items, plus 2 of mine, before I noticed and put a stop to it.  But, it was too late.  The cashier lady was going to make him go over to the returns line to get his money back.  He, being super nice, and probably in a hurry, said he would pay for mine (since he already had, and didn’t want to have to get in another long line just to get a few dollars back).  I tried to pay him, but he kindly refused and left.  My other 2 items were rung up, and as I was gathering my bags, I realized he had left his bananas.  I ran out to go find him, but he was nowhere.  So, in the end, the man paid for my cilantro, my celery…and I even got his bananas. 

So, this is about to be slightly cheesy…but I really thought of this, and I want you to too.  I think one day, when we meet our Savior, we’re going to see that he paid for our sins, our heart aches, our sicknesses…and still threw in some extras—things we hadn’t planned on.  Every day I am blessed to notice little things he seems to throw in—things I didn’t ask for—things I didn’t even know I needed.  But, He knew. 

2nd Annual Sisters Week.

Since 1991 my mom and her sisters have had an official Sisters weekend each February. Her sisters, sister-in-laws, and mother get together sans children for a long weekend of talking, eating, and staying up much too late. She was always so excited to be with her sisters!

Now I know why! My sisters and mom had our first Sisters week last year. This is our second year--and we love it!

One of the fun traditions we have copied from the "Original Sisters" is Sisters gifts. We bring one of our favorite things to share with our sisters.

I was so excited about mine. I brought a Bee Bar-- a delicious smelling hand lotion in bar form. As a flight attendant I am very sympathetic to the no-liquid rule for travelers. At least my sisters won't have to worry about their lotion being confiscated by TSA!

I also brought my latest addiction to share-- Panda's licorice. (licorice and raspberry flavors).

Rebecca gave really great magnetic measuring spoons--they stick together, making them easy to find, but also easy to wash separately. So handy!

Emily made us fun and creative magnets. I am excited to make a magnet board to display them on.

Annie gave us real fresh water pearl necklaces!! She has an amazing story of how she got each one of them FREE for us. She is so Linford! So gutsy of her. You'll have to read her blog post about that!

Mom brought several fun things. During my 2 months of baby recovery, at home in CA, we had gotten the idea to make aprons! Mom is quite the seamstress (Emily appreciated the french seams)! We chose the material together, Mom bought the material, cut them, and did all of the sewing, and I did all of the ironing. So, I felt somewhat vested in them. Here we are shortly after having finally finished 14 of them (for her sisters also!):

She also made each of us her signature book-stay-opener and gave us another charm for our charm bracelets. Our first one last year was an initial for our first name. This year she gave us one that says "Sisters" on it. I will wear it proudly!

Here we are with our fun prizes!

Emily , Rebecca, Annie, Mom, Me

We were lucky to have Emily (Rebecca's sister) here for our Sisters get together!

We missed having Ofelia here! She and her family are in Honduras for the year. Fun for them...sad for us!

Washington D.C. (part II)

Sunday night, I left Rachel's, and came to visit Matthias, Rebecca, Benjamin, and Emily (my roommate and Rebecca's sister, who is also visiting!)  

Benjamin has more energy than any other living human.  He loves to play with his Aunt Emy, Aunt Annie, and Aunt Wucy.  And we like to play with him! (but wish we had as much as energy as he does...)

Mom arrived Tuesday night!

Sisters officially started last night when Annie arrived!  

Washington D.C. (part I)

Washington D.C. 041709

I flew into Washington D.C. Saturday to visit my friend Rachel.

It was a perfect day!

Perfectly pink.

My new favorite color is pink...

because of these:

Japanese Cherry blossoms...everywhere!

I also loved these:

Dogwood Tree

Our Heavenly Father is the ultimate artist!

That night we watched movies, talked, and ate this:

Purely Decadent Dairy Free Pomegranate Chip (vegan yumminess!)

Also pink.